Only In My Dreams?

I had a dream last night. To be honest it kind of worried me. Miroslav Volf was in it. I have never met him. I have never even seen a picture of him. So what the heck is a major theologian/philosopher doing in my dreams!?! Is my love of books becoming psychologically fatal?

He was a really nice guy, and he spoke sort of like a wise, old grandfather. We discussed some things about God, but mostly we talked about how our lives often seem to be so divergent from our beliefs. I remember thinking, "I can't believe I'm talking to Volf." "Everybody back at Duke would be so jealous." I knew I was dreaming, but it was still cool.

I've been wanting to read more of his stuff. He talks a lot about Identity, Otherness, and Self in terms of our faith. I have never read his books on those issues, but that is exactly where our dreamy conversation stayed. Why do we fail to be the people that we so desperately want to be? Am I who people really think I am? Am I who I think I am, or am I deceiving myself in delusions of piety!?!

Who dreams about theology and theologians? What does this say about me? Is my subconcious crying out for me to find my identity and self. To know who I am and what I live for...To align my perceived self with my actual self. Should I get that tatoo? Will I help my wife with more household chores? Will I love that person who frustrates me almost daily (this person really does exist). Do my actions define me? What determines my identity? Can we truly be ourselves. Is that possible with all of the tensions and contradictions that fill who we are and what we think, feel, and believe? Who am I? Who are we?

I found a paradox that has come to mean a lot to me...I am not who I am, and yet that is exactly who I am. This struggle is life and faith. Being who we are and aren't. Only in my dreams am I me, yet I am me.

Thanks Miroslav. I really enjoyed our conversation. I left it humbled and hopeful. Next time though, I prefer to meet you in person:)