The Lotus

My New Blog

2008-06-10T18:33:00.002-04:00

I've started a new blog called Life According to St. Mark. It's a fun play off my namesake's Gospel letter.

I hope you have enjoyed The Lotus, but after a few months, I will shut it down. Please, please, join me over on Life According to St. Mark!

One Party, Three Churches

2008-06-09T12:30:00.002-04:00

After Ordination service May 31st, my home church, Rossville UMC, hosted a big party. It was a great reception. Steph and I really appreciated it.

What was really neat was that they invited the church I'm serving, Columbia City UMC, and the church I will be serving, Winchester First UMC.

It was a somewhat surreal moment to have the church that shaped my faith journey hosting the first church I was appointed to and which helped shape future ministry. Then the church to which we'll be moving soon where I will get to "try out" all this stuff I've been learning and growing into as pastor.

It was a cool moment, and it was yet another reminder that we are not islands of ourselves. We are interconnected in ways that we don't often see or even know. It was humbling to know that I am and will be a connectional bridge in the history of these churches. I wonder who else was that bridge? How many bridges are there!?!

That party was a symbol to me of the Church: We are all in this together. We celebrate together. We cry together. One church shapes the other and vice-versa.

We often talk about being a connectional church as United Methodists. Rather, I say that we just admit to it. In reality it's the connectional Church, One Lord, One Faith, One Baptism.

Thoughts on Ordination

2008-06-04T11:57:00.005-04:00

Sometimes we look forward to moments, and we expect a moment that is transcendent. Often, those moments fail to live up to our expectations.

Not so, Saturday. I will always treasure and remember May 31st, 2008. On the last day of our Annual Conference session 10 of us were ordained Elders in Christ's Holy Church. After years of mentoring and examination, it was an incredible moment to have the Bishop lay his hands on my head and set me aside for the Church. Having Jack Hart place the stole around my neck was surreal. It truly was a transcendent moment.

A few weeks leading up to ordination, Bishop Mike Coyner led all of the ordinands in a 2 day retreat. There we read and discussed the meaning of being ordained. I appreciated the reflection. Though little was "new" to me, it was a great (meaning both good and big) reminder of the weight of yoke of ordination. It is not something done lightly. The tradition of ordination came from the concept of Apostolic Succession.

In the Early Church, growth was rapid, leaders were few, and the only Scripture was the Old Testament. As disagreements in theology arose, it became evident that there needed to be a process of preserving and transmitting the historic faith. This became ordination. The Disciples of Jesus had disciples who had disciples who had disciples who...you get the picture. The concept of Apostolic Succession is that there is a trained, mentored, and educated group of people set aside to preserve and transmit (sometimes the word "guard" is used) the historic faith. This line of ordination, in theory, goes all the way back to Jesus himself. This is why we ordain clergy and set them aside.

On Sunday morning, June 1st, I kissed my ordination stole, offered up prayers that in humility I might be a servant of God to CCUMC, and I put on a stole that carried an impossible weight. It was the weight of being a servant of the Church, a faith and a people that extend millenia in the past and innumberable years ahead. It didn't feel good or bad, but there was a real sense that I was now different.

I am honored. I am humbled. I feel good. I am carrying a burden. In all these feelings, still there is something that is true. That always was true and always will be: The love of God. I pray that always my stole is a reminder that ordination is a calling by God to the Church and entrusted to me that I might serve and in so doing offer God's Love to a hurting and broken world.

The Appointment Process

2008-05-16T00:46:00.002-04:00

I've had a few people ask me about the appointment process in the United Methodist Church. It's a fairly involved process, so I invite you to read about it here.

Thanks to everyone at CCUMC who have wished us well. It's been an adventure, and we are humbled by your love and support.

Going with God

2008-05-10T09:26:00.004-04:00

This week was a very busy week. Two funerals, a wedding, and seeing our new home !! :o

Yes, our new home!

Thursday night, Stephanie and I met with the PPRC of FUMC Winchester and District Superintendent Dale Mendenhall. Stephanie, myself, and the church agreed that we are a good fit, and the appointment became official.

This morning, we met with CCUMC's SPRC sharing that we will be moving. It will be announced tomorrow morning in both churches, but it is now official...and we can talk about it!

Stephanie and I are very excited, and we look forward to the ministry we join in Winchester. We are also sad to leave Columbia City, the church, and our friends.

This is the bittersweet experience of any move, and to be honest, I don't know what all I'm exactly feeling other than excited to go to a church and community with a lot of potential, nervous about being new, and missing friends already. This is the journey of missional life: Moving where God calls us...even when where we are is fun, good, and comfortable.

The Spanish have a saying: Vaya con Dios. Go with God. And so we do. We go where God directs us, and we pray that we always do...and that is my prayer for all of you as well.

Vaya con Dios.

What is a Pastor?

2008-05-05T10:46:00.003-04:00

In several of the comments about the "Perfect Church," I noticed comments about the pastor. From a cursory glance, it seems that the perfect church needs a certain kind of pastor. From clergy and laity responses alike, I heard a vocal outcry that the pastor live up to his/her end of the bargain.

Perhaps another question is in order: What is the pastor's role in the church?

I personally believe the pastor, which literally means shepherd, is to lovingly lead the church. They are resident theologians that must administrate, train, comfort, and help guide the church.

One of my concerns is the "cult of personality" that exists in so many churches. Often "being fed" means that someone was entertained by music or someone's oratory skills. Rarely, if at all, have I heard someone say, "That sermon was really good, and God spoke through it...even though it was poorly given." Why is that? Has the USChurch programmed ourselves out of the Word of God into an hour of vocal and oratory entertainment? My fear is that it has.

Jonathan Edwards was one of the greatest preachers and theologians the United States has ever seen. His sermons are considered classics that gave birth to the Great Awakening. "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God" is the most intellectually frightening piece of literature I've ever read. Contemporary texts said that his parishioners would be wailing and crying in response to his sermons. What few people now know is that Edwards would literally read from his text is a fairly monotone voice...He rarely raised his voice. He never used jokes. He didn't use movies to illustrate points. He also spent 8 hours EVERY day studying the text in Hebrew and Greek.

Is that the icon of the pastor? Or is the pastor who is always visiting, counseling, and holding hands the preferred? Maybe there shouldn't be a prefered!?! Perhaps, the pastor should be allowed to be who they are. Perhaps they should lead as God made them to lead.

One of my dreams for the Church is that it would be an egalitarian group of Jesus followers. No one would come to a church or leave a church because of the pastor. No one would ever leave on a Sunday morning saying "I'm not fed," instead they would be saying "I enjoyed bringing my praise to God today." I dream that one day people will be trimming an elderly persons hedges in an effort to say, "Jesus loves you, and so do I."

Then the Church will have shown up and worship was good.

The Perfect Church

2008-04-30T19:16:00.003-04:00

Ah, the perfect church...that elusive, yet widely sought after Holy Grail. Sunday after Sunday people leave churches, visit churches, even look at church advertisements in their quest for "the perfect church." Perhaps that can be the next Indiana Jones' movie title: Indiana Jones and the Sunday of the Perfect Church.

The scary thing is, though, none of us will admit that we are looking for it or even expect it...even though we do.

Here's my Perfect Church v1.0:

1. The perfect church understands that its primary purpose is to make disciples of Jesus Christ.

2. The perfect church loves her Groom, Jesus and runs with desperate passion to His arms.

3. The perfect church loves each other.

4. The perfect church submits herself to the Holy Scriptures as contained in the OT and NT.

5. The perfect church understands that the building serves the church...it isn't the church, nor does the church serve the building.

6. The perfect church understands that its pastor is not the minister: The people are all ministers. The pastor is merely a resident theologian and administrator.

7. The perfect church does not hate, gossip, slander, or back stab each other.

8. The perfect church knows that worship is not about "being fed." Worship is about declaring the worth of God.

9. The perfect church believes that worship is a verb.

10. The perfect church has structure and rules that are firm enough to maintain stability, but flexible enought to be creative, fresh, innovative, and faithful.

11. The perfect church understands that culture is a medium. The Message of the Gospel, the Logos, can be put into any culture relevantly and faithfully...and this is NOT something to fear.

12. The perfect church would not be interested in doctrinal arguments; rather, it would be interested in how our theology compels us to love God and Neighbor.

13. The perfect church would understand that the above statement doesn't mean anything goes.

14. The perfect church would have staff on board with the mission of the church and a clear vision of what God has done and is doing for them in their personal lives.

15. The perfect church would be a place of laughter, play, seriousness, joy, sadness, weeping, anger, and any other human emotion.

16. The perfect church would be a safe place to say anything.

17. The perfect church would be a refuge for the hurting.

18. The perfect church would be a place where we take off the plastic smiles and are real with each other.

19. The perfect church would be interactive.

20. The perfect church would understand and use technology appropriately.

21. The perfect church would not be too big, yet always planting sister churches as it grows.

That would be some church.

Alan's Thoughts

2008-04-29T14:59:00.003-04:00

A friend of mine who attends our church, Alan Boggs has a Caring Bridge site. On this site, Alan journals quite frequently. I have treasured his thoughts and his sharings. They are an inspiration for those of us who take life a little to much for granted...

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/alanboggs

I invite you to check out some of his writings, which have inspired me.

What is your perfect Church?

2008-04-16T13:19:00.002-04:00

We all vent about our churches. We like some things. We don't like others. This music was great. That music wasn't. This sermon excited me. This one didn't. We could go on and on praising or complaining about our churches.

I have a question to all of you who read my blog (what about 5 people now:):

What is your perfect church? Describe it to me. What is it like? What does it say? Not say? What does it sound like when it worships? What are the sermons about? How are they given?

I am REALLY interested in your views, so please respond!

Methodists reach the 21st century

2008-03-30T19:05:00.005-04:00

Today, the United Methodist Church in Indiana had a live webcast in all 92 counties of Indiana. We are discussing the unification of the North and South Indiana Conferences into one new Indiana Conference. We feel this to be an important step to reorganizing ourselves for a new day in order to make disciples of Jesus Christ.

It is also a surprising statement by our Conferences' leadership that we are committed to using relevant, new technologies for communication. The webcast was well planned with information coming in appropriate time. The support and methodology was simple yet very solid. It was done well. The tech team was also very responsive to technical questions and potential difficulties.

I am glad to see that we have taken a leap of faith and tried, successfully, to communicate to all 92 counties across Indiana with a live webcast. As United Methodists, we are woefully behind accessing and relevantly using modern technology and communication. Hopefully, this will be a catalyst to even better use of existing and future technologies and communication methods here in Indiana. Being a connected, heavily structured church, it is imperative for us to grow in this useage.

I would like to offer some positive comments and some constructive criticism for future communications.

Positive:
1. The very idea of the webcast.
2. The identification that we needed to hire a company to help us do this.
3. The technology and support staff were well prepared and excellent at resourcing the host churches.
4. The live and interactive model allows virtual real-time communication across the state of Indiana.
5. The answering of questions was done well...the persons seemed very comfortable.

Things to Improve:
1. This is a state-wide communication; therefore, we needed to be purposeful about those communicating the info. Perhaps using prompters instead of notes, rehearsing more, more eye-contact with the cameras would have been much more natural. It was obvious that the presenters were not comfortable with the process.
2. We had a static coming through the webcast. We're not sure from where it was coming. The sound was also a bit muffled; though that would be part of the very streaming, is there a way to sharpen that a bit?
3. There was a slight blink whenever we went from video to slides. This was distracting, but minor.
4. Why were there so few people in attendance...especially from other UM churches?

Things to Consider for the Future:
1. Make it a two-way webcast...of course for 92 counties that would be a bit much; however, we need to train our churches and MANDATE our pastors to learn how to do this effectively.
2. Make it flashy...this is very important for a media savvy culture/society.
3. In a day where communication is THE vital "structure," perhaps we need to staff more around communication and communications technology.
4. Live webcasts need to be in EACH church. That is the very point of these new technologies.

These are just some of my thoughts as I sat in the webcast. I was proud to be a part of a church trying to catch up to new technologies. I was saddened a bit by the lack of attendance from the different churches. 3 of 25 in attendance where from a church other than ours. Overall, though, the webcast was well done, and it communicated the information effectively.

I look forward to this becoming standard practice for meetings and conferencing in the future. Welcome to the 21st century Indiana United Methodist Church...It's a fun and exciting time to do ministry. Let's get to it!

D-....I PASSED!

2008-03-26T10:41:00.004-04:00

Just kidding....

I did however pass...my ordination interviews that is! I have been approved for ordination, which means that, Lord willing, I will be officially ordained on May 31st. Yeah!

I was commissioned in 2005, and now, three years later, I will be ordained an Elder in the United Methodist Church. This means that I am a servant ordained to Service, Word, and Sacrament. It has a few techinical differences compared to the Probationary status: The biggest being that I can baptize and serve communion outside our facility...as well as I am now guaranteed a pastoral appointment.

It's been nearly 10 years from when I first felt the call to ministry to now, and it feels like an eternity in some regard. College, seminary, Commissioning, and the Probationary Elder period...not to mention the amount of theological writing. Wow.

However, I AM glad that we have safeguards to our pastoral system. With the Episcopal system that appoints Elders, I do feel it necessary that we have a clear understanding of our Ordained Elders and their training. It is a safeguard for every church, and an excellent refinement for every pastor.

So, in the end, this is a mini-celebration before the big one, on May 31st. If you want, come and see me ordained at the place I first felt my call: Purdue University. I'd love to celebrate with all my friends. BYODC....bring your own diet coke.

My only question is...will Bishop Mike get to wear that great hat!?!

Waiting to Die

2008-03-18T10:53:00.002-04:00

Most of us do whatever we can to prolong our life. We try dieting, exercising, wear seatbelts, look both ways before crossing the street, etc. We want to live...as Thoreau says, "Living is so precious."

Last Friday, we buried my Grandmother's body. She was 94 and lived a great, full life. We are so thankful that she is with Jesus now. Her mind clearer than ever and her body spriter than in her youth, she walks the fields of gold with Grandpa. For those of us left behind, it is bittersweet. We celebrate her life, and we mourn her gone from our midst. Yet, as the days go by, Grandma has left me thinking...

Since Grandpa died in 2004, Grandma has missed her soulmate of 64 years. She continued to say, "I'm ready," which we all knew meant that she was ready to die. She wanted to be reunited with her maker, her family and friends, and her best friend, Grandpa. While she fully understood that Heaven is different and that we aren't married there, she also knew that the loves of her life were not here. Having raised a great family (yes, I'm biased), she was finished here, and her heart longed for a different home, Heaven, where the greatest lover of her life, God, was waiting along with many saints that have gone on before her...including "Bill."

I've begun to ask myself this question. Does my heart ache for Heaven? What things am I so attached to that I want to stay here? Are they worthy of such attachment? Do I long for God like that...enough to "go home"?

St. Paul said, "To live is Christ and to die is gain." He wrestled with this same issue, and he found no clear answer himself. Living is so precious, yet I ponder what wonders lay on the other side. Do I have faith to trust God that what waits is better than what is? And, so I ponder this enigmatic verse: To live is Christ and to die is gain.

Thanks Grandma for teaching me one more lesson as you left us. Cheers to you Grandma for you have lived Christ and gained all. We arise and call you blessed.

At what cost?

2008-02-18T15:13:00.002-05:00

Belichick. Sampson. Bonds. Our kids.

What do they all have in common? Cheaters. Unrepentent cheaters. Oh, sure, it's alleged. Nothing is ever proven anymore. Belichick and his Patriots taped other teams' practices and sidelines. Everyone thought he was a genius. "It seems like he was in their huddle!" Well, maybe, he was! Yet, the NFL allowed him to continue on with a mere loss of draft picks, which the Patriots always trade for mature players anyway.

Barry Bonds...right, twiggy becomes Heracules in a few short seasons. Despite being on confiscated lists and a client to steroid producers, he still was able to play. What a shame that a record will be held by a known steriod user.

Kelvin Sampson gets to play Purdue this week even though he's going to be fired soon. "It was only cell phone calls!" Right, about 577 prohibited ones that he was already on violations for breaking. His recruiting practices are shady, and he seemingly can't tell the truth according to the NCAA and IU. I loved his interview after the IU-MSU game. When asked if this win meant anything to him personally, he said, "No, it's not about me." Right. Is that why he was jumping up and down nearly crying and punching the air when IU took a commanding lead? Integrity 0, win at all costs 100. Yet, he is allowed to coach one more week at IU...a week that just so happens to include Wisconsin, MSU, and Purdue. The three schools locked in a struggle for the Big Ten with IU. Coincidence?

Cheating seems to be all the rage. Sure, we say it's bad, but apparently, deep down, we think it's OK. Look at the number of Patriot fans on Superbowl Sunday. Look at the Barry Bonds fans cheering for the record*. Did you hear the IU fans chanting "Sampson! Sampson! Sampson!" when IU pulled away from MSU? After the Wiscy loss, he was a goat...now he's a savior. What's the deal. Winning. Well, more precisely, the money and prestige from winning.

It's encouraging to see that some things turn out right, though. I've never rooted or cheered for the Giants like I did when they beat New England. Though the season isn't over, IU isn't leading the Big Ten, and Sampson appears to be gone (once IU plays Purdue, of course...due process).

If it were just sports, it'd be one thing, but it's not. Enron rings a bell, too. Cheating stock holders and employees. How many cheat the IRS? How many folks cheat their employer?

One of the saddest parts of being a temporary youth pastor for about two years was hearing the kids talk about cheating. Great kids spoke of cheating as if it were chewing gum. Bright kids. Honor roll kids. Assanine school policies and pressure for success are creating an academic environment where what you know isn't as important as filling in the right circle on a scantron sheet. 97% of kids that I have asked point blank about this issue have responded that they cheat REGULARLY at school! When I asked if they felt guilty about it, to a person, they responded, "No."

It's easy to go off on the kids. "They know better." Perhaps they don't.

As you're cheering on your favorite sports team, as you're filling out your taxes, as you're thinking about that gorgeous coworker, maybe it's time to wonder where our kids might have learned that cheating is OK. Maybe it was us.

Co-Creators

2008-02-07T10:54:00.000-05:00

I thought I'd share a thought about having kids...

Isaiah loves trains, so here he is with his Engineer's hat on his Thomas the Tank Engine couch. He loves his sister, too, so he asked if we'd put her on it and take their picture. Of course, Sophia loves her big brother, and she was just screaming smiles. It's amazing how beautiful they are, and it blows Steph's and my mind that we created such amazing life. What a gift from God that we have the privilege of being co-creators, bringing life into the world. Nothing has taught me more about love than having children. They are by definition blessings.

Sunday, Isaiah made us both tear up. In the shower, he and Sophie were playing. Then he tells her, "Jesus died on the Cross for you, Sister." MMMMM....The stories, the sharing, the explaining, the songs, and the prayers together actually are shaping their lives. It's humbling, yet it made our hearts burst with holy pride:P I pray that he grows up to be a fearless man of God that proclaims the Good News of Jesus Christ wherever he is.

Random Blogging

2008-01-31T13:20:00.000-05:00

Here are some random things that I wanted to share.

Sending of the Saints
Saturday, January 26th, a friend, Jan, and I did a Sending the Saints presentation on Small Groups Ministry. It was a lot of fun, and Jan and both enjoyed the event. We appreciated the interaction of the "audience," and we are excited to be doing this again February 23rd. If you want to see the presentation, let me know by commenting. I'll get a .pdf file to you.

Yael Naim

My friend Jeff introduced me to this song and video, which I absolutely love. The naive innocence of the song springs hope in the heart. It's by Yael Naim.

Boiler Basketball!

How 'bout them Boilers!?! Purdue is now 7-1 in the Big Ten and tied for 2nd place midway through the conference season. IU has yet to play Wiscy, MSU, or OSU, while Purdue has played them all once. There is a lot of ball yet to be played, but Purdue is set up nicely to finish well in the Big Ten this year and receive an NCAA seed.

Mind you, Purdue starts 1 Sophomore and 4 Freshmen! Coach Painter is doing a superb job, and the players are responding well. Is Purdue basketball back? It sure looks that way! Boiler Up!

NCAA Football 07 and bowls

2008-01-10T13:38:00.000-05:00

I've never written a sports blog post before, but here's my lame attempt....

Well, another year and another OSU loss in the NC. It really is beginning to look like the Big Ten has fallen behind the other conferences. Aside from Michigan thumping Florida, the Big Ten looked rather weak, slow, out-talented, and out-coached. On the bright side, Purdue won the MAC championship by defeating Central Michigan in the Motor City (toilet) Bowl.

What is even more worrisome is that some of the Big Ten programs, like Purdue, are looking from within the conference to replace coaches. If the conference as a whole is struggling, why are we recycling coaches? Wouldn't snagging a SEC or Mountain West (which went 5-1 in the bowls) assistant or coach be a better solution? I like it that Michigan tried hard to land Les Miles. I like it that Illinois went for the Zooker (even though I think he's a terrible coach). They are trying to dip deeply from the well that is the dominant SEC.

Rumor on the street is that Purdue will soon be naming Danny Hope the soon-to-be head coach. The speculation is that Purdue searched for a candidate willing to sit in the passenger seat for Tiller's last year (2008), ready to take over in 2009. Hope is the HC at Eastern Kentuck, and he was a former assistant at Purdue when Tiller first came. He had brilliant success coaching Purdue's o-lines 97-01 (those five years produced 7 NFL o-linemen!), and he has had pretty good success at EKU fielding teams that have beaten the likes of Appalachian St. while challenging for their conference's title.

From my perspective, I think Purdue set the bar too low as the three candidates most commonly spoken were all very under the radar. If Tiller isn't footing the bill at 7-5, shouldn't we be after a coach who has taken other teams to a better mark? Peterson at Boise St. would be a great catch. The coach at Tulsa is another example. Others have mentioned Sumlin or B. Kelly at Cincy. However, name doesn't make you famous, and Purdue is a unique school. Perhaps, Hope is the right man at the right time.

We'll see. Morgan Burke, Athletic Director at Purdue, has a long track record of picking good coaches. I really hope Danny Hope is able to take Purdue and the Big Ten by storm just like Burke's last head coach did in 97'.

Go Boilers!

Zombie!

2008-01-01T11:29:00.000-05:00

I hate zombies. I have never seen Day of the Dead, 28 Days, Dawn of the Dead, or any other zombie movie because I’m pretty sure I would scream like a little girl. My most memorable nightmares are of me trying to flee from zombies...if they catch me, I turn into one too! Once I had the very same zombie nightmare for about 10 nights straight! So, yes, I am terrified of zombies.

However, I was flipping through the channels watching TV and I saw a humorous beginning to a movie. You see this guy’s feet lumbering, you hear moaning, and a sub-human grunt. Just as I’m ready to flip the channel (zombie!), the camera pans up, and it’s this English guy waking up and walking to the bathroom. Hilarious. Turns out the movie was Shaun of the Dead. An English spoof of the Zombie genre. It takes horrifying zombie situations matches them up with this guy’s struggle to win back his ex-girlfriend and viola…one of the best comedies I’ve seen.

After watching Shaun of the Dead and laughing hysterically (and cringing in fear), I began to wonder why I was so afraid of zombies. Why is this mythical creature so repulsive and blood-curdling to me? I had always chalked it up to dead people walking around being just generally freaky. Though true, I began to see something bigger. Mythical creatures always represent something. They are symbols for the great, real-life forces that are arrayed against us. Jungian Psychology suggests that these images represent something deep in our conciousness...

Suddenly, it dawned on me: I’m afraid of zombies because they are the living dead. They are “alive,” but they are dead. They move around. They consume people. They do their thing, but really they are dead. That is what I fear the most. Thinking that I am alive, doing my thing, but really I’m just another walking dead, consuming others in my path. Perhaps the fiends of my nightmares are a mirror for my own soul screaming out what I fear most.

Thoreau in Walden puts it this way:
“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life…”

First reading this quote was a pivotal moment in my life. At that moment, I saw so many people just existing. They slept, ate, consumed, went to a job to earn money, and they repeated that day after day. Marriages, children, and friendships were neglected. The true treasure of life itself seemed lost to so many. Here we are consuming while being consumed.

What could be more zombie? What could be more terrifying?

The Cranberries' hit song Zombie was a diatribe against all those who did nothing when Ireland was attacking and killing her own children with terrorism. Dolores' voice screamed out, "Zoawmbie...Zoawmbie...Zoawmbie, ie , ie, ie," accusing, condemning. Who could let the innocent die? Who does nothing in the face of such violence? Apparently, only those pretending to live.

Are you a zombie? Are you living for something or just pretending to live? Do you treasure life and live it to its fullest? When you see wrong does your life scream out against it? Are you truly alive?

I live because I choose to live. It’s a choice I make to flee the zombie existence, and I run and struggle and gasp to keep my life. To do anything other is worse than death.

I am terrified of becoming a zombie. I am terrified of living a meaningless existence. It haunts my dreams and my waking hours. For when I die, I want to have truly lived. I start this new year as I've started many: Determined to suck the marrow out of life.

It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting,
for death is the destiny of every man;
the living should take this to heart.
- Ecclesiastes 7:2

P.S. I would advise against hitting zombies in the head with cricket paddles.

Christmas!

2007-12-25T14:31:00.000-05:00

We decided to post our family's Christmas morning for Grandma's and Grandpa's to see. Others can enjoy as they may.

My favorite is right at the beginning when Isaiah goes, "There's a tractor!" Priceless.

Lost in Translation...

2007-12-24T12:12:00.001-05:00

Reading my daily blogs, I came across an article by Andrew Connard. He sees a really cool site that does concise, post-Modern, teaching videos. The particular video he references was on blogging, and I highly recommend seeing the clip...it's quite witty.

Anyhow, he asked the question, "Why aren't we doing this?"

Being who I am, I asked, "Why not!?!" Then I emailed Bishop Coyner about the idea of doing short video clips about Baptism, Communion, What is Church, etc. These videos could be tools for all UMC's to use in Confirmation classes, Membership classes, even on websites.

My biggest question in all of this is as follows: Are we willing to do things in new and innovative ways to reach new people?

I looked at a section of the UMC.org website for seekers, and it was a page with a huge amount of text. No videos. No flash. No eye-candy.

Yes, we have good information, but I don't think we were or are translating our important message very well.

Take a look at the video, and please comment: What would you like your church to answer with a short, teaching video like this?

Praise You in the Storm

2007-12-18T11:20:00.000-05:00

We went to the Casting Crowns concert in Ft. Wayne (in late November). They played the song "Praise You in the Storm," which I vividly remember hearing as we were driving away from one of the darker Dr. visits we had during Sophia's issues. I'll never forget hearing the lyrics "I lift my hands and praise the God who gives...and takes away." As I wrote here, that was a faith stretching moment. Could I really praise God in the storm...Man, at the time, I didn't know if I even wanted to, but we did. It's all we could do.

At the concert, a tsunami washed over me all over again. Sophia was alive, healthy, growing, and my little girl. The song brought back those months to my mind, and I cried tears of relief and thankfulness...Tears of grace and mercy received...not just for my little girl, but for me too.

Now the words that stand out so clearly are different..."As the thunder rolls, I barely hear Your whisper through the rain, "I'm with you."

It brought back home just how blessed we really are. I invite you to listen to Casting Crowns sing this song that has meant so much to me and my family.

Snowed In!

2007-12-17T13:30:00.000-05:00

Stephanie, Isaiah, Sophia, and I spent the weekend snowed in! Sunday was a level 2 snow emergency where we live, so we were able to be together all day. It was fun. We played games, watched TV, slept, ate, and played together.

Such a simple thing, snow, shut everything down; yet, for me the weekend was what the Winter holidays are all about: We enjoyed each other. We spent time together.

Earlier in the summer, Steph and I went to a church worship arts conference entitled, "What's Right in Your World?" The presenters articulated that so often the Church talks about what is wrong with the world (and there are some things wrong with and in the world); however, there are definitely things good and right with the world, too!

The snow days reaffirmed something I already knew: My wife and my babies are what's right with my world. There is no better day than the day spent with those I love most...playing, praying, and being family.

What's right in your world?

Getting Back to Blogging

2007-12-10T12:16:00.000-05:00

I'm back (again).

More to come soon.

Something Unique?

2007-10-02T18:16:00.000-04:00

In the history of religion, one is quick to notice that many of the deities are feminine. In fact, the earliest practices of religion and icons of god are fertility cults that depect the god(s) as feminine.

Something that many Protestant Christians, Jews, and Muslims take for granted is our masculine language for God. Within our sacred texts God is often portrayed as husband and/or Father. While feminine attributes are used and traditionally feminine qualities uplifted, the language of God is most often masculine in our texts. In the mid-20th century, the masculine language of God was called to the carpet.

What is taken for granted is that throughout history this masculine dominance of the Abrahamic faiths has been challenged. Textual and extra-textual evidence clearly demonstrates that priests and common folk alike wanted to give the LORD a female consort. Yet, the text resists this.

Despite the numerous cultural pressures: the Canaanites, the Babylonians, the Greeks, the Romans, all have pantheons including feminine deities. Time and time again we see these outside pressures affecting beliefs. Yet, the text resisted these pressures. There are no female names for the LORD; furthermore, the LORD has no female consort.

Why? Why were the Abrahamic faiths, Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, so resistant to the feminine divine? Each of these faiths presented rights to women...often above that of the surrounding cultures. Yet, they resisted.

Why? I'd love to hear your thoughts. What about this faith of the LORD (all worship the God named the LORD even if quite differently)? Why has it been so resistant to the feminine divine? Should our masculine language of God be viewed as an anachronism to be left behind? Or, is it possible that this masculine language of God is something unique to be treasured? What do you think?

New Life?

2007-09-18T11:56:00.000-04:00

Last week cnn.com ran an article on an artificial intelligence (AI) designer and his attempts at a learning, household robot. He has had significant success, and he believes he is three years away from selling Zeno, a cartoonish looking robot that learns.

Zeno's programming is designed for him to learn, to read emotions, to talk, to walk, and be in all regards a robot pet.

For a long time, I have believed that sentient AI (computers that are self-aware) will be achieved in my life time. Some of us believe it could happen in the next 10-15 years. Imagine the movies Bicentennial Man or AI as real life. Each family could own its own robot housekeeper or gardener. Families could even be "adopting" robotic "children." Life will never be the same.

Sentient AI will be one of the greatest challenges to human ethics and our understanding of life. We will be forced to face unanswerable and difficult questions: Can we truly create life? What is life? Will non-biologicals have equal worth as biologicals? Will it be OK for us to have robot "servants?" Will it be acceptable to shut-down sentient AI? I'm sure everyone will debate hotly: Do AI's have souls?

I do believe all sentient life is of value, and it is important for the future of the human race that we begin to discuss this issue. Too many times we have devalued life because it was different from us. In the 1800's, Native Americans and Blacks were thought by some to not have souls; rather, they believed that they were "almost" humans...worthy for slave labor and property. Color of skin, gender, and ethnicity have been sources for prejudice, but we will soon see another (and I believe very violent) prejudice against non-biologicals. It will be a fun discussion (to understate it a tad).

What do you think? Do you think we'll ever create sentient AI? Will you consider it life? Will its worth be that of your own?

"Where are you?"

2007-08-27T12:47:00.001-04:00

We all know what it's like to feel ashamed, alone, or even abandoned. We want so desperately to be known and to be loved, but it feels like all that's out there is empty...or gone. It'd be nice in those dark times to turn to God and receive a big hug (or handshake if you're a non-hugger). So often we walk through this life asking God, "Where are you?"

The book of Genesis addresses this issue, but it has a radically different take. When adam (which means human) and his wife take of the tree of good and evil, they realize shame. They flee and hide for the night. But before night can fully set, God comes looking for them, but God cannot see them. They have hidden themselves.

Next comes something so profound, it takes my breath away.

God says, "Where are you?"

Vayaqra Adonai Elohim el-ha'adam vayomer lo aneka?

"So the LORD God called out to the human, 'Where are you?'"

The question turns our world upside down. The God of all the universe crying out, "Where are you?" In his shame and guilt and fear, Adam hid. He hid from God and tried to avoid being found. It wasn't God who was absent...it was Adam...the Human.

The story of Adam and Eve is our story. We are Adam for we are 'Human.' C.S. Lewis' Narnia books rightly call us "Sons of Adam and Daughters of Eve." This story is our story. When Adam hides, we see ourselves, hiding from God. Hiding from each other. We too hide. We hide behind our power, our toys, even our humor and anger; yet, we are still humans, naked, hiding, afraid to be found out for who we really are.

This is why God's question is so profound: God seeks us. For all of human history, God has been calling out, "Where are you?" Our Creator is the greatest lover of our lives: The same image is present in the Song of Songs as the lover dreams she can't find her beloved. She cries out for him, but he is hidden. God wants so desperately to find us. God loves us regardless of who we are or what we've done or where we've been. God wants to be with you to love you.

Where is God? Where are we!?! God is crying out for us, calling to us, ready to cover our shame and offer us a new start to life. God loves you, and He is desperately calling out, "Where are you?"

Words

2007-08-13T11:28:00.000-04:00

"Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

It's a nice theoretical line. I remember saying it as a child. It was the perfect response to all those who put us down. I think we all so desperately want this to be true...words never hurting us. But, we know it's a lie.

The alternative 90's rock band, Bush, wrote a line "nothing hurts like...your mouth...your mouth...your mouth." Indeed, nothing hurts any worse than cutting words from those around us. Gossip, slander, lies, even hurtful truths can cut our souls to the quick. If words had no effect, why do we work so hard perfecting our comebacks and our put downs.

The number one thing that makes me angry, and I do mean angry, is when someone talks behind someone's back. Cowards without the guts to say things to one's face speak criticisms so easily when there are no repurcussions. What astounds me is the way our culture has embraced this attitude. Speaking truth to someone is "rude," while destroying someone behind their back is acceptable.

It is amazing to see someone abhor violence or violent TV and movies use words to beat others to death. Ironically, one of the loudest voices in theological pacificism is one of the most verbally violent people I have ever met.

Proverbs 16:27-28 says, "A scoundrel plots evil, and his speech is like a scorching fire. A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends."

I've found that nothing hurts others like the words we use. They separate friends. They lead to divorce. They lead youth to see themselves as ugly or fat or unsuccessful.

Words have power, and they can do more damage than any weapon ever will.

Beat me with sticks. Flog me. Do what you will, but please, don't cut me with words. They go deep, and they wound the soul.

I pray for all of us: that we are able to watch what we say, knowing that what we say about others can encourage them or harm them. Real friends, real Christians talk to each other. This is love. That is what it means to follow Jesus.

The North Star

2007-08-08T11:06:00.000-04:00

I love space. My wife shakes her head everytime I look up at the sky and say, "I want to go up there so bad." From my childhood days of peering through a telescope with my dad to my young teen years taking pictures of the moon and Jupiter through my telescope and now to my constant monitoring of the space program, I am fascinated by the Heavens. I want to see them. I can't imagine the breathtaking experience of visiting another planet.

With my telescope, I've seen the rings of Saturn. I've stared at the Great Red Spot of Jupiter. I've seen our red little brother, Mars. I've tried desperately (but failed) to see the nebulas of Orion's belt. Seeing the moon with a telescope is stunning. Its features look like mountains and plains instead of light and dark spots. I've seen pictures of Uranus and Neptune from Voyager I and II. I've heard the whistling of alien winds on Titan, a moon of Saturn. I'll never forget seeing the first pictures of the Martian Rovers...I love the universe, and I sometimes wonder if NASA needs chaplains for its first trip to Mars!

However, there's been one thing in my limited understanding that I always thought was overrated. The North Star. It's small looking, not very bright, and it is pretty plain. You always here people excited to point out the North Star, but I inwardly always thought, "Bah, who cares." Until recently...

The Hubble Telescope recently discovered that Polaris, the North Star, is actually a Triplet Star. It is a massive yellow giant with two other stars orbiting it! This ho-hum star went from boring to amazingly interesting. There was more there than I thought.

The North Star is called such because it is almost fixed on the Earth's polar north. It doesn't move in the sky that much. It is constant. While the stars in Orion, Scorpio, Drago, even the Big Dipper have their seasonal positions, the North Star stays put. For this reason, humans have looked to the North Star as a compass. It was the sure direction finder at sea when there were no other landmarks.

I was wrong. The North Star is a big deal. Not only is it astronomically interesting, it has guided human history. For some of us God is like that. We're not real excited about it. It seems like something to do on Sundays for a few folks who we're not sure are any better than us. It seems boring and uninteresting. But, then we see it. We get it. We experience God, and our perspectives change...We make God the center focus of our lives, and we live by His light. I remember vividly the night Jesus became the center and my compass for life. Jesus is my North Star, and by his light I sail my ship.

What is your North Star? What do you look to to guide you on the seas of life? What gives you assurance that you are headed in the right direction? Len Sweet in his book Aqua Church encourages us to see Jesus as our North Star, a guiding light in the darkness. When all else is spinning out of control, Jesus remains steady, leading us home.

The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display knowledge
their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world(s).
- Psalm 19:1-4

Weary

2007-08-02T09:24:00.000-04:00

Have you ever been weary? I don't mean tired, but weary. We all get tired quite often. We work hard or don't get enough sleep or sometimes we even play ourselves tired. Tiredness isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's just running out of steam for the day. We rest, get some sleep, and we are recharged for the next day.

Weary is different. It is an exhaustion, an emptiness. It is a feeling that one has nothing left to give. Weariness, though, often is an expression of the soul. It is a tiredness of the heart.

I know a lot of people who feel weary right now. I think I'm there, too. Jobs, busyness, complaints, stress, lack of encouragement, unrelenting demands: These all make us weary.

Too often we dismiss weariness as tiredness. Weariness, however, is not solved by merely sleeping. One must find peace and strength to face the arduousness of life. Sometimes that means taking some time off. For others it might mean picking up a hobby to escape or unwind. Others need to spend time with their friends. In a time when we have so much and we have the means to spend out time as we wish, I find it ironic that we are so weary. Perhaps finding the rest from weariness is more than time "away."

Jesus said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

My prayer for all of us who are weary is that we might find rest in Jesus. That we would know that we are not alone. That we would remember that Jesus taught us to stop all of the busyness and take time for each other. May we remember that Sabbath is for us, and a day of rest is holy time. God, may we find rest in you...heal our weary souls.

4-H

2007-07-23T13:34:00.000-04:00

This week is our county's 4-H fair. It's always fun to go and see all of the animals...especially for my 2 yr. old son! I believe 4-H is a valuable resource for our communities. It's something everyone should support. Even if you aren't a "farmer," you eat, so you need to be somewhat interested in how our food is grown! Here are my reasons why 4-H is great program:

It teaches young men and women how to treat animals. One of the things my family always taught me is that you don't mistreat animals. They are God's creation, and they are your income/food.

4-H encourages local agriculture. In a day when we buy dog food from China, fruit from South America, and juice from Pakistan, it is encouraging that small, local farmers are still producing quality food products that are safe to eat. No farmer is going to jeopardize the safety of the food their family eats.

4-H is about community. The giving and taking of help and ideas foster the idea that all of us are in this together. 4-H is not just a one week event. It's a year round project. When animals are involved, it's often a life style. 4-H-er's often share resources, skills, and sometimes animals.

Having animals teaches responsibility to the young men and women feeding and taking care of the animals.

Raising an animal (very much like a pet) and leading it to be processed is one of the toughest parts of 4-H. I firmly believe, however, that this is an important aspect of life. The animal or plant must die for us to live. We are part of a vast cycle of life and death. Most of us live our lives oblivious to this, but there is a very spiritual connection between a farmer and the land/animal. This is why farmers tend to be more religious. They get to see the mysteries of life, birth and death, on a regular basis.

Don't get me wrong, there are bad parts to 4-H as well...such as the competition aspects. Painting hooves, using hairspray on tails, making sure the youth wears the right clothes, is all bogus and has nothing to do with 4-H; however, the real experience of raising an animal, taking care of it, and joining the world of agribusiness are important and vital maturation points for our communties' future agribusiness men and women.

Have you been to the fair yet? Hope to see you there!

I'm back!

2007-07-17T14:03:00.000-04:00

Sorry, I was out so long. Between annual conference, mission trips, vacation, work, and general laziness, I got behind in my blogging. I'm back, and I'll be posting at least once a week.

Volume 6: What is the Emerging Church?

2007-05-15T12:13:00.000-04:00

Emerging church struggles against the consumer orientation of worship. Do we come to hear the funniest, best sermon from one man or woman? Or do we come to experience God? What if we brought our best to church? What if we brought our faith TO church? What if we open our hearts to something bigger than consuming a product offered on Sunday mornings?

May God show us the way to faith together. I pray to God that I never become the center of church or Sunday mornings...for then my life's purpose has failed. I pray that everyone sees my weakness and my inadequacies. I pray they see I am just a broken man. My prayer is that we bring our faith in God together, and together, we celebrate the God who loves us all. May we truly experience God.

Volume 5: What is the Emerging Church?

2007-05-15T12:08:00.000-04:00

Here is an excellent example of a church using an emerging worship paradigm. We've done some things like this at our church, too. Using the fine arts is a great way to communicate the message of God in an open way. Words are so confining, yet art is beyond words...it speaks to the very soul, and I believe God speaks through it. Enjoy!

Volume 4: What is the Emerging Church?

2007-05-14T09:43:00.000-04:00

On YouTube there was a video discussion going on about the Emerging Church movement. One older gentleman (trust me, I am using that word VERY loosely) was calling Emerging Church "stupid, heretical, and unorthodox." I have refrained from putting his voice up here because it is filled with such vitriol. This video is of a Roman Catholic priest defending the Emerging Church movement by responding to said gentleman!

I thought it might be fun to just hear what a younger Catholic perspective might be.

Volume 3: What is the Emerging Church?

2007-05-10T14:30:00.000-04:00

Mark Driscoll, Evangelical author and pastor, comments on his views of the Emerging Church. His views are a mostly fair minded, Evangelical perspective, which is why I include him. It is wise to hear from a variety of traditions and viewpoints.

You can hear his discomfort with parts of the emerging church when he addresses an important issue of what values and beliefs we can/are willing to leave behind. This is an appropriate question and concern that gets to the heart of Emerging Theology: The doing away with doctrines. Scary for some. Liberating for others. What makes a Christian? Believing propositional statements or following Jesus with our lives? I believe the latter, and so I believe it's time to do away with Modernist propositions that do more to divide than unite.

Unfortunately, he also makes an Al Gore claim of being one of the "founders" of the Emerging Church movement. Just like our former VP and the internet, the facts don't quite work out that way...

The beautiful thing about the Emerging Church movement is that it was born around the globe simultaneously over many years of painful soul searching. Surely there was a better way to be the Church? We've failed in so many different ways. What does it really mean to be a Christian...a Follower of Jesus the Christ? These questions drove several Christian faith communities to explore theological and methodological traditions from our past. It wasn't created in one place by one person. In my humble opinion, the Holy Spirit is bringing the Church together from many different places and traditions in order to do something new. That is exciting.

The one thing Mark really brings out is the contextual and missional component of the Emerging Church. That seems be a cornerstone of the Emerging Church movement: New forms of communication, new ways of thinking, new ways of speaking will all need new ways to contextualize the Gospel (i.e. make the Gospel speak today's language and culture). Afterall, just by reading this you are partaking in a new way of sharing our lives together.

Volume 2: What is the Emerging Church?

2007-05-09T14:15:00.000-04:00

This video is 11 minutes, so it is long. However, it is a documentary of the Emerging Church movement done from within the movement itself. It is done alongside Solomon's Porch an emerging church flagship. Again, notice about midway through the discussion that he speaks of "going native," which is a discussion of how the Christian life is by definition missional. We believe that the Church needs to wake from her slumber of complacency to a faith that Jesus died to give: A faith that tranforms our lives such that we reflect the love of God in all that we say and do.

Volume 1: What is the Emerging Church?

2007-05-07T12:01:00.000-04:00

This video has Dr. Ray Bolger, an emerging church leader, speaking of the emerging church. His insights are very helpful, and I believe representative of most emerging churches. Church as family vs. institution is critical. Emerging movements are all about community...not building or organization.

I really like his description of the emerging church as trying to find God's fingerprints on culture. My view of truth is that Truth is God's fingerprints in the universe. Therefore, in all things we can find some truth, but in no single thing can we find all truth. Emerging Church movements recognize this and are approaching faith more humbly. We believe in Truth, but with the understanding that we know only in part...as through a mirror, dimly, but one day we will know fully...and be fully known.

Intro: What is the Emerging Church?

2007-05-07T09:51:00.000-04:00

I've had several people ask me about the Emerging Church movement. Some hear me talk about my ideas. Others have seen or heard of Rob Bell. Others still have read Brian McLaren, Leonard Sweet, or visited sites like Emergent Village. I am going to run a series of articles and videos on the Emerging Church movement the next few days...maybe weeks if the discussion is good. My goal in all of this is to spark discussion, so please feel free to comment away!!!

This video is a Nightline special about the Emerging Church. It is a good intro if you have never heard of Emerging Church before now. For those of you more into the movement, don't worry, I'm going to give better explanations later...This is afterall an intro!

BABEL

2007-04-30T12:29:00.000-04:00

Therefore it was called Babel, because there the LORD confused the language of all the earth; and from there the LORD scattered them abroad over the face of all the earth.
- Genesis 11:9

This last weekend Stephanie and I watched Babel, starring Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett. It is described as a movie that discusses the despair and hope of life, and it was nominated for several awards at the Oscars. Being a couple who love good movies of substance and thought, we decided we needed to see it. The title caught my eye as it conjured up in my mind the multiplicity of human languages. In that regard, it lived up to expectations. Using locals, it filmed in Morocco, Japan, and Mexico while it covered four different story lines. Each story line was in a different language. Japanese, Arabic, English, and Spanish streamed into our living room. It was a different, but wonderful touch.

Ironically, I quickly forgot I was listening to different languages as I read the subtitles. Soon, I was relating to two boys arguing over who could shoot a rifle further and straighter. Without hearing the Japanese, I was pulled into a young, deaf girl’s world as she struggled with the death of her mother. A Mexican mother burst with pride at her son’s wedding making us laugh and smile. I have always been amazed at how such different worlds contain such similar people.

Just as quickly, I was tormented by the extreme despair each storyline produced. A wife was shot, kids were lost, a girl sought love tragically, and two boys’ naively shot someone with their new hunting rifle. At one point, I turned to Stephanie and said, “I don’t like where this is going…It’s taking me too far down.” This movie brought despair. The film created that sinking feeling in your stomach that forces our mouths closed in the face of tragedy.

The storylines progressed and the movie ended; however, I wasn’t satisfied. That feeling of despair never left. Despite the beautiful sunshine outside, there was a resident darkness leftover in my mind. I couldn’t decide if I liked the movie or not, but I was leaning towards not. As the day went on, I kept replaying scenes of the movie in my head trying to figure out why. It was pretty graphic, but it was artistically done, which is acceptable for me. Sure there wasn’t a happy ending, but that usually doesn’t bother me, either. Why did I not like this movie!?!

In the middle of a conversation, it dawned on me: Hope. The movie was supposed to be about despair and hope, but it just sunk the audience into despair and left me there. Don’t get me wrong, the director tried to wrap up with hope, but it was so empty…so NOT hopeful. Innocence lost, death, fear. There are some human stories that end without hope and can’t be made pretty no matter what we do.

That was my issue. How could a story of hope be told without God? Our stories and our attempts at putting things together or making things right don’t always turn out hopeful. That is the essence of faith: God gives us hope when all else fails. God gives us the strength to recover our lives. God heals our wounds. God forgives our most heinous crimes. That pit welling in my stomach was an absence of God: It was fear and death. It was despair for the real world in which we live. It was the loneliness of being an individual. It was the alienation of being in a world where we don’t understand each other.

The story of faith is God calling out: “Fear not, for I am with you, and I will never leave you. You are not alone.” And, so, we have hope for we have God. By the way, I don’t recommend the movie.

A New Type of Christian

2007-04-23T14:36:00.000-04:00

I got this from my friend Jeff. I thought it was pretty good!

Fun news for me!

2007-04-23T10:57:00.000-04:00

This week I passed the 2nd round of ordination interviews. I have one more year of process and one more set of interviews left. I thought for sure I'd have to do some rewrites, but, alas, it all went very well.

Even though the process is long and cumbersome, I am glad to know that our church is doing a good job at screening ministerial candidates. My prayer is that this process would encourage people into ministry, and that God would use it to sharpen our ministries and calls.

That being said, I had some friends who didn't make it through. Please pray for them as this leaves career, calling, etc. all up in the air.

Sophia Update

2007-04-22T10:55:00.000-04:00

Sophia is doing well. She is gaining weight and growing longer! Our fun news for the week is that we moved her to her own room, and now Mommy and Daddy are getting more sleep!!!

Please continue to pray that she would make enough red blood cells to replace the ones she's losing. We're almost out of the woods...two more weeks...we think!

Thank you so much for your prayers and support!

*This picture was taking in the hospital when she was first born, but I thought that her shades were quite sporting!

Home and Well!

2007-04-11T12:19:00.000-04:00

Sorry it's been so long, but it's been quite a ride!

Sophia is home, and she is doing well. 3/26 She did have a blood transfusion, but everything went really well. I think the only thing awry was Mom and Dad's nerves. It's really weird to see your newborn hooked up with IV's, etc., especially when they're on the head.

Her blood levels eventually stabilized, and so far we haven't had any more transfusions. The rollercoaster continued when the Newborn Screening indicated a possible problem with something called Organic Acid Disorders.

The good news just came in yesterday that the test was a false positive, and as far as we can tell, Sophia is now a healthy and normal little girl!!! We are so greatful that God has gotten us through all of this. We know that millions of couples go through much more difficult circumstances with their children, but as we have learned when it is your child, everything is major. And, so we pray for those families who don't have clean bills of health for their children. Our hearts go out to you.

She's Here!

2007-03-23T12:13:00.000-04:00

Isaiah has a little sister! She was born March 23rd at 9:25 a.m. At birth she was 20.5 inches long and 7 lbs. 10 oz. She is a little darling!

We are awaiting tests to see if she'll need a blood transfusion or exchange transfusion.

Almost There!

2007-03-05T12:10:00.000-05:00

Stephanie and I are so excited that we are just a few weeks from seeing Sophia. All the tests are continuing to be a little high, but they are OK for now.

The day long trips to Indy are getting old. The only positive is seeing the 3-D ultrasounds. We think she looks like Isaiah did when he was first born...It really is amazing what all you can see on those things!

Our C-section is schedule for March 23rd @ 8:00 a.m.

Wow, that's close! We gotta get on that nursery!

Miracle babies

2007-02-03T12:07:00.000-05:00

Our first ultrasound exam for the middle cerebral artery showed a really high level, and we thought that we would have to have a transfusion in utero. We were very scared, but we asked everyone we know to keep us and Sophia in their prayers. Three days later we go for the exam and potential transfusion...Instead of going up, the levels went WAY down! God had answered our prayers. One of the doctors said, "I don't know why it went down. It shouldn't have done that...." Steph and I squeezed each others' hands, smiling knowingly. This wasn't the first time God has provided for our children. Isaiah was taken c-section because he was breach; however, when Dr. Cly began to pull Isaiah out, he said, "God was with you. The umbilical cord is wrapped around his neck twice." Later he explained that Isaiah would probably have died or been handicapped if he weren't taken c-section. We thanked God for the miracle of a breach baby that couldn't be turned around.

We've had some scares but so far everything is going well with Sophia. The anti-c antigen has caused her to be a little anemic, but so far we haven't had to do a transfusion. Every week we go without a transfusion, the better off we are.

It is always hard when it is your children who are sick. We want so badly for our children to be healthy. During pregnancy we dream dreams and have high hopes. We are finding it stressful to be doing these tests every week, but we are greatful for them...We are still dreaming dreams:)

Baby Sophia

2007-01-03T11:56:00.000-05:00

From January 3rd we have known that Stephanie had a somewhat rare antibody that was attacking Sophia's red blood cells. It is called an anti-c antigen. You can read more about that here (warning it's very heady stuff!). This basically meant that we would have to watch Sophia for signs of anemia. We had to go to Indy nearly every week so that they could check the velocity of the blood flow throw her middle cerebral artery by doing ultrasounds. The picture to the right is a picture of an ultrasound screen during such an exam. We are so greatful we live today when there is stuff to help us out!

Heghlu'meH QaQ jajvam.

2006-10-16T14:37:00.000-04:00

I admit it. I’m a Trekkie. I love watching Star Trek. In fact, I don’t just love watching Star Trek…I love watching Star Trek (the original), Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Star Trek: Voyager, and even though it’s not that good Star Trek: Enterprise. I’ve seen all the movies. I know a few of them by heart. After all, who can forget the classic scene, “Kkkaaaahhhhhnnnnn!”
I’m afraid I probably have lost at least half of you by now. Sorry. Being a Trekkie is one of my little quirks. We’re all a little weird. Come on, admit it! You are too! We all are. To be ‘an average person’ is just to say that a person’s weirdness isn’t totally beyond anyone else’s. So I admit it…Yes, I watch Star Trek, and, yes, I love it.
All that being said, I wanted to quote a Klingon phrase, “Heghlu'meH QaQ jajvam.” Literally, it means, “Today is a good day to die,” but it is used whenever a Klingon is confronted with a challenge or a difficult situation. It is a statement of boldness. I declaration of can-do. To say this is to commit to a cause and see it through to the end. The Klingons are an honorable race, and the stakes of life and death brought forth in this phrase tell all that their commitment to a cause is serious.
Recently, Pastor Paul preached a sermon entitled “Whatever It Takes.” He encouraged us to look at our faith and to commit ourselves. Sometimes living faithfully is difficult. Have you ever said to a group of friends, “I don’t think we should be talking about someone like this behind their back.”? Have you ever offered love when someone was giving you hate and mean words? I’ve seen college students arrested for passing out Bibles, and I know that many of our brothers and sisters in faith have lost their lives in Jesus’ name. Whatever it takes…
Some might say that after 9/11 that we should not say such things. It might send the wrong message. However, when we truly understand Jesus when he said, “Take up your cross and follow me,” we see that Jesus has called us to a crucified life. It is a life that gives of itself for others. It is a life of loving and being loved. It is a life that is bold and courageous to right wrongs. It is a life that dies to self. The Apostle Paul said, “I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live. But, Christ lives in me.” To live as a Christian is to live in Christ, and that always means that we die to self. We live for God. We live for others. We live in Christ. Heghlu'meH QaQ jajvam. Maybe the Klingons got it right.

The Lotus: chapter 2, Blossom

2006-07-18T16:03:00.000-04:00

The Lotus takes on a new look when it blossoms. From a lilly-pad to a blossom to a flower, the plant changes. As it opens, a new perspective on the world and self unfolds...

Life Means So Much

2006-07-12T11:10:00.000-04:00

I love being a dad. I love coming home and seeing my son turn and look. He smiles. Sometimes he'll giggle, too. Then he reaches out toward me with these outstretched arms. I can't but help go over to wherever he's at and pick him up. I pull him close, and I give him a kiss on the head. He'll push away and give me a grin. He's my boy, and I'm his daddy. We both know this.

I love my wife and child. They are the most precious treasures I have here on earth. They complete me. They force me to see things differently. I still love doing the things I did as a bachelor, but I treasure every moment I have with both of them. I enjoyed two mission trips I went on this summer, but I really wished they could have gone along with us. I hardly ever worried before, but now I say a prayer everyday that we all get through the day safely and healthy. I can't imagine us not being together as a family.

Chris Rice sings a song called "Life Means So Much." It is truly one of the most beautiful songs ever written in my opinion. Sure it's music is soft and slow...quite different from my alternative and punk music, but it's lyrics eloquently state the truth about life, its fragility, its fleetingness, and its beauty. It is a treasure. Life means so much. May each of us treasure every day we have and give ourselves to that which really matters.

"Life Means So Much" written by Chris Rice

Every day is a journal page
Every man holds a quill and ink
And there's plenty of room for writing in
All we do is believe and think
So will you compose a curse
Or will today bring the blessing
Fill the page with rhyming verse
Or some random sketching

Teach us to count the days
Teach us to make the days count
Lead us in better ways
That somehow our souls forgot
Life means so much
Life means so much
Life means so much

Every day is a bank account
And time is our currency
So nobody's rich, nobody's poor
We get 24 hours each
So how are you gonna spend
Will you invest, or squander
Try to get ahead
Or help someone who's under

Teach us to count the days
Teach us to make the days count
Lead us in better ways
That somehow our souls forgot
Life means so much
Life means so much
Life means so much

Has anybody ever lived who knew the value of a life
And don't you think giving is all
What proves the worth of yours and mine

Teach us to count the days
Teach us to make the days count
Lead us in better ways
That somehow our souls forgot
Life means so much
Every day is a gift you've been given
Make the most of the time every minute you're living

Bloodlust

2006-05-01T16:47:00.000-04:00

I have been wrestling with something lately. I don't really remember when it started, but I know it was a while ago. I started seeing a fascination with blood. Let me explain:

I know these teenage girls who cut themselves. One of them cuts herself all of the time. She has tried to quit, but it is difficult. I've asked her why she does it, and she shrugs her shoulders. "I don't know." She gets quiet and fidgety. "My counselor tells me that it is a way for me to express the pain deep inside. He's probably right because I really don't feel anything. I just feel better when I see my blood." Inside I weep for her. The suppressed pain that drives her must be horrible, and I wonder what it is about seeing her blood that makes her feel better.

Recently, I have been hearing about this movie called "Faces of Death, part IV." This movie is real video footage of executions, suicides, accidental deaths, and other macabre situations. That people pay money to see this surprises me. Most of us cringe when we hear about someone dying in an accident. We are saddened to hear about suicides. Many people can't even take the sight of blook, yet here is the 4th movie/documentary offering blood and death as entertainment. It reminds me of the Roman games. In the Roman Empire, thousands would gather to watch men fight animals, other men, sometimes even women to the death. Early Christians were eaten by lions or sometimes set on fire. People were horrified, yet just like today the people were entertained in some morbid why by watching someone bleed and die.

When I was in high school the president of our FFA chapter was watching a mature steer get dehorned. Mind you, this is a very bloody event as the base of the horn is about 1.5 inches and is full of blood vessels. Anyhow, in the midst of this demonstration, he fainted...Eyes rolled back, fell over, the whole bit! Everyone laughed and made fun of Mr. FFA himself. Deep inside though, I think everyone was glad it wasn't them. The blood was everywhere, and more than one person looked as white as a sheet. It's interesting to me that the greatest predator the world has ever seen faints so easily at the sight of blood.

This April we celebrated Good Friday at church. I couldn't help but think: Here we are. We are gathered together to celebrate this one man suffer, bleed, and die. Each month we celebrate it again by drinking his blood and eating his flesh. No wonder the Romans were freaked! We have an entire religion based upon blood and death. As I have thought about this more, I realize that every ancient religion does sacrifice. We kill life, and we pour out the essence of life, blood. From our earliest times, we have had this need to see blood flow. Somehow, it makes us feel better. From blood and death, we see new life...often eternal life.

From squeemish to bloodlust, humans have a truly spiritual experience when blood is shed. It is the most basic of religious rites. This has made me wonder...Did God need the Cross or did I? I've always struggled with why God didn't just forgive us. Why did Jesus have to die? Maybe, it isn't about God after all. What does this say about me? About you? About us?

I don't have any answers, yet (when I do, I'll right a book...so please buy it). But one thing I am coming to believe. Our mortality consumes us. Our beliefs in God, afterlife, sin, forgiveness, they are all tied in some way to our experience of bloodlust. Our fascination with blood is a reaction to our own mortality. Through blood we look past this life, and we are brought face to face with death. It is the most powerful symbol of faith the world has ever known. We need blood. I don't know anymore if God is the one who needed the Cross...Maybe it was just me and my bloodlust.

I'm interested in your thoughts.

Easter Egged

2006-04-11T12:26:00.000-04:00

I got this from someone on the desperate preacher's website.

http://d21c.com/scratch/holidays/egg.swf

Enjoy! Oh, and Happy Paschal Sunday!

Alma Familia

2006-04-06T12:54:00.000-04:00

Being a Duke alumnus, I often feel a real connection to the university and my fellow Duke graduates. It is a small school, and it can be difficult to get your foot in the door. The academics were rigorous, but the intellectual climate was unparalleled. Every day in class I felt like I was learning from giants and sitting beside future bishops, national politicians, and professors. It was such a great and unique experience. Overall, my wife and I did not like North Carolina, but I found identity and community in Duke. That doesn't mean I liked everything that came from Duke, but like any family you take the good with the bad.

The Duke name carries a weight, too. I didn't think much of it until I got back in Indiana. I'd say, "I went to Duke," and people would be like "Oh, wow!" It felt good to be a part of something big and special. As I mentioned before, I have even become a Duke basketball fan. I consider myself a Dukie!!!

Lately, being a Dukie has been not so fun. Usually, I'm proud to be a member of the Duke family, but recently I have been a little down about it...I am still Duke, and I always will be. In Durham, Duke students are being attacked and being called, "Rapist!" One student even had to go to the hospital after being beaten in the Durham community. All of this anger follows the alleged assault and rape of an African-American woman by the nearly all white Duke Men's Lacrosse team. By being a part of the university, part of the Duke family, all students, all athletes, the professors, the administrators, even the alumni suffer, the consequences of one night's events. Being a part of the family, I am saddened that this could and would occur. I am angry that young men representing my family allegedly acted in such ways. I am shamed that the coaches and athletic department were unconcerned with an athletic team of which one third of the athletes had alcohol related misdemeanors. I am also defensive as I hear people proclaim that Duke University hasn't done enough and is a racist institution. Pending the outcome of the legal system, what more can Duke University do beyond the suspension of the Lacrosse team?

This violent crime has touched off an underlying problem present in Durham, North Carolina, the South, and even the entire United States. Racism is a living and thriving part of U.S. culture. From our neighborhoods to our churches from our politics to our entertainment, Americans divide on racial lines. In Durham, much like many other U.S. cities, the races are also split along economic lines. After the Civil War and all the way to the 1970's, Durham was a thriving tobacco industry town. Tobacco employed thousands, and it was the major industry of the entire state. When the quit smoking campaigns began making strong gains, the industry began to dry up, and the jobs left. Many uneducated, unskilled (besides tobacco) employees were left jobless and without income opportunities.

By 2004, the memories of Durham that I will always carry with me will be the poverty, the crime, the gangs, the drugs, the prostitutes, and the silent racial divide. It was a sad situation that seemed to be getting worse. As a teacher in the poorest of Durham's schools, my wife saw first hand the environment in which the children of Durham are being raised. We'll never forget the loving students who were crack babies, children of prostitutes, nor the gang-initiated 'trouble-makers.'

This rape has become a crack in the dam that separates our calm, peaceful society from the reality of violence, poverty, and cultural wars taking place in our cities. My hope is that Duke University isn't made a scapegoat as was the initial reaction by CNN. Duke pours millions of dollars into the Durham community. It is the largest employer in Durham. It is a leading catalyst for change in a very prejudiced state. The divinity school requires all students to take classes in Black Church History/Studies as it understands faith being a bridge for understanding.

Our real concerns ought to begin with why this young woman felt she had no recourse but to make money as a stripper. Why did these affluent white men feel like they had the right to force themselves on anyone? Why did they even want to throw out the racial slurs before, during, and after the attack? Why are our impoverished community schools failing? What are underlying issues involved in poverty? Are programs like affirmative action working? These very difficult and VERY controversial issues are the real battle ground...not Duke's suspension of athletes. Maybe I'm protecting my family, but I think the media has been unfair. After all, they too are the ones who have been silent concerning the racial tension present in Durham. Perhaps, they are ready to shoulder some of the blame.

When my wife and I were in Durham, our car was stolen, another broken into, someone was shot in our apartment complex, we saw gangs and drug deals going down in our parking lot, and we saw children being neglected in very damaging ways. The white people silently mistrusted and disliked the blacks, and the blacks silently mistrusted and disliked the whites. When we voiced our concerns and frustrations there were usually two different responses. One aimed against black people, and another aimed against our ability to "live in ministry." To us it seemed a complete lack of true meaningful engagement with the real issues at hand.

That is Durham. That is North Carolina. That is the United States, and until we are ready to grapple with the real issues that is where we will stay. One of our rays of hope in Durham: The biracial couple living next to us. A white male married to a black female living together in peace and love. They loved their family, and they were great neighbors. My Duke family has something to learn from them...as does my American family.

Classic

2006-03-21T15:20:00.000-05:00

Funny can sometimes be an understatement!

www.mothergooserocks.com/headandshoulders.html

Only In My Dreams?

2006-03-21T11:08:00.000-05:00

I had a dream last night. To be honest it kind of worried me. Miroslav Volf was in it. I have never met him. I have never even seen a picture of him. So what the heck is a major theologian/philosopher doing in my dreams!?! Is my love of books becoming psychologically fatal?

He was a really nice guy, and he spoke sort of like a wise, old grandfather. We discussed some things about God, but mostly we talked about how our lives often seem to be so divergent from our beliefs. I remember thinking, "I can't believe I'm talking to Volf." "Everybody back at Duke would be so jealous." I knew I was dreaming, but it was still cool.

I've been wanting to read more of his stuff. He talks a lot about Identity, Otherness, and Self in terms of our faith. I have never read his books on those issues, but that is exactly where our dreamy conversation stayed. Why do we fail to be the people that we so desperately want to be? Am I who people really think I am? Am I who I think I am, or am I deceiving myself in delusions of piety!?!

Who dreams about theology and theologians? What does this say about me? Is my subconcious crying out for me to find my identity and self. To know who I am and what I live for...To align my perceived self with my actual self. Should I get that tatoo? Will I help my wife with more household chores? Will I love that person who frustrates me almost daily (this person really does exist). Do my actions define me? What determines my identity? Can we truly be ourselves. Is that possible with all of the tensions and contradictions that fill who we are and what we think, feel, and believe? Who am I? Who are we?

I found a paradox that has come to mean a lot to me...I am not who I am, and yet that is exactly who I am. This struggle is life and faith. Being who we are and aren't. Only in my dreams am I me, yet I am me.

Thanks Miroslav. I really enjoyed our conversation. I left it humbled and hopeful. Next time though, I prefer to meet you in person:)

Go Duke!

2006-03-18T12:19:00.000-05:00

Ahh...March Madness!

Everybody wear your blue and white and root for the Dukies! Having grown up a diehard Purdue fan and having my degree from there, I didn't think that I would ever end up rooting for another team besides Purdue. That all changed when I first experienced a Duke game at Cameron.

It was a surreal experience to be sure. The arena, it's actually more of field house, is quite small. It only fits around 7800. In the student sections, you seem to be sitting right above the floor. It felt like sectionals in high school. Everybody jumped up and down the entire game. Like a bunch of cells forming a single organ, we cheered together in perfect timing. It amazed me that we were making up cheers together, but the crowd sounded like they knew them by heart.

It was so loud, too. Here we are, undergraduates and graduate students of the South's finest university, and we are screaming our heads off, saying childish things all for the sake of a game. Future doctors, lawyers, engineers, CEO's, politicians, ahem pastors, all possessed by the Blue Devils of basketball.

The funniest part of the experience was the old guy who got the crowd started. He looked to be mid-70's. He had the dress and look of a lawyer, but as he stood, the crowd hushed looking for their cue. He pulled up his Duke-blue towel, started waving it around, and yelled, "Let's go!" The crowd went crazy and stayed crazy for the rest of the game. I have never seen a group of people all gathered together for one thing, one purpose, be so united. There truly was a spirit that possessed them. Their allegiance was to Duke, to coach K, to J.J. We were one body. We were family. We were Duke.

What if we had that unity everyday? What if all of humanity decided to cheer each other on, and be one family? I guess I want to be that old man...I want to wave my towel around and yell, "Let's go!" I want to see the fieldhouse Earth erupt in one accord, as one body, as we struggle in this game of life. But who am I? I'm not famous. No one knows me. I have no great charisma or position. But, then I think...The old man wasn't always cheering as "The Old Man." He just cheered on his own...for himself and his team...and eventually people followed. His enthusiasm and his spirit caught on. I guess if I want to the world to cheer each other on, I need to start cheering and start loving first. Aye, there's the rub.

As my family is visiting today, I'll be enjoying my Blue Devils playing and, of course, winning. Go J.J.! Go Coach K! Go Duke! I hope you enjoy watching Duke, too. It's a life changing experience. Just ask the Old Man.

The Lotus: chapter 1, The Beginning

2006-03-16T17:37:00.000-05:00

I just started my first blog! How exciting!

I chose the name "The Lotus" for the Asian water lilly by that name. In Eastern philosophy and religion the lotus is the symbol for purity. The snow white flower blooms from beneath the water. Life flowering. Beauty from unexpected places. Peace and purity above the dark waters of life. Untouched in one sense, but a part of the pool nonetheless. For me, it's a symbol of a beautiful and serene life growing in purity from unexpected places.

Sometimes we don't do things we've wanted to do for a long time. A blog is exactly that for me. Where else can we speak and be heard? No one listens, but here...here we are heard. We speak, and we listen. Isn't it so sad that we must connect to outlets for our souls to open and blossom forth. Our machines become the faces, but our hearts are exposed. The tender shoots are so gentle. May this be a place of peace and openness for you...